Please let R.- read this I hope it will help why I was an idiot that night-- I guess I was on something not have a great day that day thats for sure. Robert, I am writing you again but as I stated I wanted to give you the reason why I reacted the way that I did that night and I sure wish I could erase that night and erase any pain or tears I put you through and I do want to patch things up with you soon. I want to apologize for the hundreth time for any hurt or pain i caused you becasue it was not my intention and one day I hope your heart heals from it and we can contiue the spiritual connection we shared. It has been bugging me a whole bunch and I feel misunderstood and that some sort of perception was made about me and a smoke screen. While I have been up crying and upset and even angry at the situation. However, It made me think like I had some sort of motive, I wasn't the person I appear to be or lost the person I was. I am here to tell you I don't hide behind anything and nor do I need to be fake I am simply a person who blew up out of frustration and tired myself Robert honestly of being hurt and had my guard up and I think it stem from in December 2010. Robert, you said it your self (that you both broke my heart, cheated on and made me cry). I am not making an excuse for my behavior because there isn't but I am providing you clarity as to what happen. Robert, the situation at hand is you have a girlfreind and have had one I think since approx. year and half give or take more or less I don't know but I guess I felt if you came to me and I thought you I was your girl or you wanted me to be then why did this occur between you and her. While I thought your intent November 2009 was for me to be your girl. In December 2009 you were dating this person and rumored to be yoour girlfreind shortly after. R.- I watched her visually in several things collaborated on Feb/March and April 15th 2010 it was understood your girlfreind all the while I even ask you and I handled it in a classy way. I was deeply hurt but I wished you the best of luck and then things took a turn you were with me again then after I cursed you in August 2010 which I was wrong again for cursing but I felt disrespected and hurt again so after several months then I hear you and the girl who I thought was not your girlfreind I hear you both on a duet which was okay but then there was a song basically telling me you moved on. R.- this ripped my heart out I have never felt heart break before my a man but this devistated me more than alot of things in my life and I have been through a lot but I just could not understand why you would hurt me so bad however, I handled that sitiutaion with class and Again wished you the best of luck. I cried and was deeply depressed for a month there were just no words. R.- then shortly after your in Ethopia and you yourself state you broke up with your girl (which was not me) then maybe shortly after that it was back to me again and I thought things were getting back on track slowly and I was very slow to respond just becasue I have been hurt so many times and just simply hard to trust the situation. I was on top of the world things were going good then when you went to California did Lopez (I was on top of the world) then I hear two songs Doin Dishes and Back to the way we were so I put two and two together you ex at the time was at an event in California and you attended festivites there and so I thought maybe you guys seen each other and I thought you were writing those songs for her so my whole world dropped and I went from flying to just flat on the ground. Again Robert becasue of the spiritual love I have develop for you I said I don't want you to be sad becasue I could hear the emotion in the song I said it is better to set you free than hold you and I felt bad becasue I was in a situation already so I honestly thought it would make you happy. R.- I did not stop to even realize or think those songs were for me and guess they were I guess I was so wrapped up in thinking something else and I made a huge mistake there not to mention I hurt you and made you cry but definelty not my intent it was to help not harm you. R.- for that month I think all of the frustration from this situation and the past hurt had just built up and I just blew up. I will be honest I seen her website too and that made me more upset but in hindsight I should have step back thought about it but I guess I have been hurt so much the possibly of you actually wanting to take it to another level did not even enter my mind. I will be honest I don't have alot of experince in this area but what I know I I will never send the man I love off to another female again but again I thought I was helping you as God is my witness. Robert, I felt when I blew up that I should be in a different place with you I felt I never got a gift or just anything in person compared to your girlfreind who got airtime, music etc.and not just her. Maybe I lost my head and went over board but I felt even I gave you a gift and I felt if he keeps hurting me not wanting to see me and not even get me anything how could he love me. Robert, if you look at it while I am feisty I have not reacted this way before to me this should be a red flag to you that something is wrong. I know truely I did not handle this the classy way but I had just gotten to my breaking point. Robert, because of the uniquness of this relationship it was displayed in a different realm however, that is what I mean by sitting down and talking because I don't and have not had that luxary so things got blown out of proportion because alot of communication is lost. Further Robert, I am very spriritual and Rep God on high any day and every day but I make mistakes and I am human I think any reasonable human being given the history and circimstance would have reacted in this way maybe arguebly worse or maybe not even taking what I did thus far. Robert, as far as being lost or I have lost my ways I am very spiritual and strong as a bull in my sprituality and I am centered I pray a whole lot and give thank just becasue and I carry my day accordingly in my daily acts. What you seen was something seperate my personality when I reach my breaking point and What occured was me having my guard up with you becaue of the past to now and I want to take it down and now you have yours up so there needs to be some real honest to God talking and understanding here because there is alot being lost through or present way of communicating while I think we know each other we don't know each other fully leaving room for doubt, perceptions and misunderstandings. I will be honest I am still confused and lost about where I stand your girl not your girl if she is your girl was I number 1 and do you want a number 1 and 2 or whatever. Robert, this is it in a nutshell why I blew my stack so now I am doin dishes(ha ha- gotta laugh from crying) hoping to get back to the way we were. I guess I am deeply hurt and sad for hurting you but I am frustrated becasue I don't mind being kicked out of your life, wings clipped, demoted to nightmare girl and being the anti casper if I did something so horrible intentionally but becaue I feel these are misconceptions and misunderstandings. If you are gonna disown me than let it me on some real stuff and not some smoke that don't even have a fire. I feel I owe you an apology for cursing you and losing my temper this isn't the medium for it but in the same regard there should be effort to open up the communication lines so this won't occur. In conclusion, I will contiue to Love you while I will contiue to write you encourage and inspire you and hope I hear from you soon until my stamina disappears otherwise I will just try to move on as best as I can but it would be a sad day in Heaven If you were to take me out of your life on this situation without giving this situation fair consideration such as truely establishing a real relationship face to face. While I am sorry I can only apologize so much and I think if you would look at the whole picture and take responsibiity for past actions because I defintely take responsibity for the cursing two times and any other stupid thing I did to get to this point and I just want to move on and hopefully get back our spiritual connection, plant seeds, grow flourish on a freindship level. In terms of on any other level as I told you before we can take it slow and see how it goes and if something great long term comes of it than that fine if it doesn't then at least we tried (I always want the dream) but this is reality and we just have to see. God Bless, I love you and contiue to be inspired make great music because you have come so far not by accident, Kick but in Europe give them a wonderful show and as I told you Your a Diamond so forget the flaws and shine I know I am one I got flaws but I shine well when I show my good sides. Robert, don't let nothing or nobody stand in your way God gave you the talent and you will contiue to fly high in your music and soar but you just gotta keep expanding your ideas and music to go there. Contiue to think out the box don't stay in and keep your music positive because It really does influence massess okay okay I can go on but I think that was good. I am glad I got this off my chest have had a lot going on in my life lately and I look foward to this exchange hoping it is on both ends. Love you God Bless and Change already came Robert you just got to embrass it. People may misunderstand you Robert and I have had people misunderstand me too including now my whole life Please remeber this it is not how you start it is how you finish!! Make sure your finish is strong Robert stay progressive and positive keep moving only the devil like staganation. I guess I got my preaching hat on sorry bro.
Again God Bless Love you miss you take care of you XOXO Ke Ke.